Half-time heaven

Food inglorious food

Accrington Stanley: Slightly surreal setting of ground not made up for in any way by very thin tea and microscopic hot dogs, bought only because they said that was the only hot food left. What about all those people wandering about afterwards with huge portions of chips, then? Never going back there again.

Oswestry Town: Tea OK at 40p. No hot food provided, only homemade cheese or ham baps at 55p, “small, wholesome and good value” with “homely feel to food outlet and food served there”.

Cefn Druids: Large Cheeseburger £1.10, Small of that ilk 70p, Burger 60p. Tea/coffee also available. Exclusive quotes: “Very nice”, “Good value for money and quite tasty”, “Tea and coffee were served in paper mugs”. The summer has obviously been too long.

Blackpool: It was a pie. No, a burger. Or perhaps a pie after all. Truth was, I was too far away to tell. I had been herded, hungry and in want of refreshment, into the far end of the East Paddock with the vast horde and was unable to get back to the food stall. My food review, therefore, is based on watching our estimable editor fifty yards away behind the goal in whole square feet of space enjoying something while we were squashed together like sardines (sardines…mmm). I swear I could smell the coffee too. Apparently it was “quite nice”. Oh, and we lost a game we had dominated. A very, very bad day. Blackpool - no points.

Preston: Exactly the same as last year - over-commercialised and bland. For full details see the review in last season’s RP, if you can remember where you put it.

Cardiff City: “Usual burger and coke options”. A bit lacking in detail, but to liven things up, some coke was brought down from Wrexham, and some more bought in Cardiff. A trial was then conducted, using a random sample of the public to see which coke tasted more Welsh. Not surprisingly, the public couldn’t tell, as all coke over here is made in a factory in London, but just to be sure I submitted a sample of each to a sports testing laboratory for expert analysis. Unfortunately, they misunderstood my request, and I am now under suspension by the IAAF for having tested positive for nandrolone. Looks like I’ll have to give up the running and get a proper job.

Wycombe Wanderers: “Usual burger and coke options”. Or was that Cardiff?

Dean Domerecki

(Thank you to all our expert food tasters)