Programmes

& fanzines

Pile them up in the spare bedroom

Season 1999-2000 (so far)

Chesterfield (22 Apr) by Dean Domerecki

Cost: £1.80.

Pages: 36.

Good things: Nicky Law’s manager view, which acknowledges that Chesterfield were (are?) in fact the most tedious team to watch in the whole division, if not the world (also see Norway). To help in training his players to actually play football, there are on sale at the club shop ‘Footballs on String’ (£3 each). Also a c.1900 photograph of Chesterfield playing at the Recreation Ground, showing fascinating and bizarre pitch markings, dress etc.

Bad things: Appalling Wrexham review page, possibly written by a child aged, say, six. Gareth Owen is also to take on Manchester United in August, possibly single-handed. Good luck, Gazza. Other annoyances include Wrexham being referred to as the ‘Robbins’ on several occasions - and as the club mascot is called Chester, relegation fits quite nicely.

Bizarre things: A ‘Blues on the Move’ manager - downwards, presumably. An advert for a pet shop, specialising in ‘hand-reared parrots’. Worst of all, no Karl Connolly player profile - and just look what he thought of that.

Great one-liner: Nicky Law, again: “…as in all games, we will try to entertain you - but not to the extent that it becomes cavalier…” Steady on there! Can’t go playing football, you’ll get relegated!

Verdict: Good riddance.

FANZINE
Tora Tora Tora
Chesterfield’s new fanzine, Tora Tora Tora, was launched at the beginning of the 1998/9 season. Personally I think that if a repetitive title was necessary it would have been better entitled DULL, DULL, DULL. It was not just the 32 pages of minute typeface (although I began to wonder if it had been sponsored by the opticians of Chesterfield) but the absence of anything of note or even wit and repartee. This review has been delayed and delayed by my inability to think of anything to say. It’s been on the pile of work to do for months but it took a week to read - and then I couldn’t face looking at it again. It is the world’s first natural cure for insomnia and I don’t care if their editor is told or not.
Mary Lewis

Wigan (29 Apr) by Dean Domerecki

Cost: £2.00.

Pages: 48.

Good things: Up-to-the-minute Wrexham player profiles. Not much else, really.

Bad things: Nasty chemical smell to the nice laminated programme. A totally gratuitous reminder of the AWS Northern Final game last season. Very unwelcome.

Bizarre things: Strange style, reminiscent of e. e. cummings, of having no capital letters in their main headings - odd to accuse wigan of undercapitalisation, nevertheless. also the titanic goalkeeper looming on the front cover - they’ve chopped his legs off but he still won’t fit into the stadium. 

Great one-liner: Whinging John Benson: “We are a scalp because everyone wants to come and spoil a party and Wrexham will not be any different”. Hahahahaha. 

Verdict: More froth than substance.

FANZINE
Cockney Latic
Subtitled “An Unofficial Voice of Wigan Athletic Supporters”, CL is a glossy 36-page production. It’s got its own web-site, it’s extremely anti-PNE in its rhetoric, and by April 2000 it had reached Issue 9 (priced at £1, by the way). In many ways, CL is archetypal fanzine stuff. The magazine’s address is a Wigan one - so it’s not clear where the ‘Cockney’ comes from.
Peter Davies

Welsh Cup Final

(Bangor v Cwmbran) by James Morris

Cost: £1.50.

Pages: 17, including the cover.

Good things: Pretty much everything about it: detailed team and player profiles, fascinating and very detailed history sections, the results of every Welsh Cup tie played this season, and a thorough piece covering the fortunes of Welsh teams in European competition.

Bad things: The only real complaint is that the player line-ups had no numbers next to them, making it difficult to tell who was who.

Bizarre things: The number of players on both sides who had, at some point, played for Wrexham (clue: about five each!) Also some of the teams and results in this year’s Welsh Cup. For instance, Newtown beat Hollywell 11(ELEVEN)-0. After this spectacular victory, they could have gone on to face sides of such repute as Porth Tywyn Suburbs, Hoover Sports, and the internationally-renowned CPD Penrhyncoch. The World Club Championships it quite clearly isn’t.

Great one-liner: “The presentation of the trophy did not take place for some months, however, as the FAW had not been able to afford to purchase a trophy.”

Verdict: Good value for money: readable and a good half-hour’s entertainment.

Welsh Premier Cup Final 

(Wrexham v Cardiff) by Peter Davies

Cost: £1.50.

Pages: 16 including cover.

Good things: Colourful, very trendy ‘pull-out’ Wrexham and Cardiff pen pix, and aesthetically-pleasing montage of programme covers from around the Principality.

Bad things: The ever-present BBC logo.

Bizarre things: Front-cover photo of Ridler heading the ball away in a previous match against Cardiff. His eyes are totally shut.

Great one-liner: “I was fortunate to play at the Ian Rush (Soccer Tournament) on four occasions and I am proud that my goalscoring record still stands.” (M. Owen, back cover)

Verdict: Smart. A good advert for the WPC.