Programmes

& fanzines

Pile them up in the spare bedroom

Season 1999-2000 (so far)

Colwyn Bay (28 Jul) by Peter Davies

Cost: £1 - possibly.
Pages: 12 plus cover.
Good things: Fantastic front-cover photo of CB Testimonial man Bryn Jones. Nice 'cardy' cover and a nice mixture of BJ-related articles. No adverts at all (well done).
Bad things: Bizarre mixture of incompatible fonts.
Bizarre things: The game wasn't actually played - waterlogged pitch.
Great one-liner: "Managing a team at this level of semi-professional football is very time-consuming and I would like to thank my family, and in particular my wife Lesley, for their tolerance throughout the years." (Bryn Jones, p.1)
Verdict: Solid - unlike the Llanelian Road pitch.

Altrincham: Curzon Ashton (5 Aug) by Peter Davies

Cost: 80p.
Pages: 20.
Good things: All-round thickness and quality. Twenty pages for a match involving a non-league club and a Division 2 side in a pre-season friendly - impressive, I'd say. The general standard of the printing is also extremely good.
Bad things: Lots of ads and a bit bitty - no real discernible structure to the programme. Also, no page numbers. Bizarre things: The August 5th fixture is still viewed as being a part of 'Season 1999-2000'. Also, the photo of Chairman Harry Galloway gives the impression that he suffers from a terminal dandruff condition. And finally, the North West Counties league table on p.5 shows that none of the teams have played any games at all. So, what's the point of the table? (Woodley Sports are bottom on account of their name beginning with a 'W' - slightly unfair).
Great one-liner: "No.1 for Lingerie. Look no further than….Stanning's" (p.4)
Verdict: Thoroughly impressive.

Rhyl (8 Aug) by Peter Davies

Cost: £1.
Pages: An incredible 64 - plus covers.
Good things: Excellent 'Lilywhites' montage on the cover - and high-profile advert for www.rhylfc.com (also on the front cover).
Bad things: Not very stylish; far too many adverts; not easy to spot the articles in among the ads.
Bizarre things: The back cover announces that one of the assistant linesmen comes from Rhyl. Is this legal? Also, an intriguing ;All-Time League of Wales Record' table. Top are Cwmbran, bottom are Abergavenny Thursdays.
Great one-liner: "Rhyl Football Club: Director of Football - Mickey Thomas' (p.1)
Verdict: Quantity not quality.

Mansfield (22 Aug) by Dean Domerecki

Cost: £1.
Pages: 8 (eight).
Good things: No.
Bad things: Flimsy effort comprising a front cover, squad details on the back, two and a half pages of advertising, and two pages of Wrexham player profiles, not written by the programme writers. That leaves a staggering one and a half pages to fill – and that’s boring. Let me remind you of the price - £1.
Bizarre things: Why were there so few on sale? Lots of spectators couldn’t get a programme, poor though it was. And why did the lone programme-seller position himself at the least convenient corner of the ground? This involved, for us, a 300-yard excursion in the vague direction of Rutland, and back again.
Great one-liner: ‘Inside tonight…Commercial Corner’. Corner of a page, that is.
Verdict: Just nasty. A shameful attempt at a programme.

FANZINE
Follow The Yellow Brick Road
All we could locate was a 1995/6 edition of FTYBR. There's 48 pages of
varied chit-chat for £1: lots of news, letters and Stags-related humour. The
section on Mansfield's games at Field Mill is called 'HOME ALONE' and the

oneon away games, TRAVEL SICKNESS'; there's also a nice mix of photos

and cartoons. And two bits of meaningless trivia: the FTYBR soccer team won

the 'Notts Fanzine 5-A-Side Tournament' in 1992/3 and 1994/5 (wow!) and the

magazine's editorial address is 10, Cooperative Street, Sutton-in-Ashfield - the

town where the sadly-departed Andy Marriott was born.
Peter Davies

Bangor (2 Sep) by John Child

Cost: £ 1.
Pages: 14.
Good things: Not too many adverts and a good explanation of the purpose of the FAW Premier Cup and the financial incentives for each team in the competition.
Bad things: The spelling mistakes which had Brian Carey and George Horan listed as Brian Casey and George Roran.
Bizarre things: The Bangor City logo, what exactly is it?
Great one-liner: 'The aim of the competition was to provide an opportunity for LoW clubs to encounter their English counterparts in meaningful competition.' (Since when have Wrexham been an English club!)

Colchester (16 Sep) by Dean Domerecki

Cost: £2.
Pages: 48.
Good things: An excellent (and original!) review of the Wrexham squad, and current issues affecting the club. The Supporters’ Association gets a page, and there is a topical ‘around the league’ update on Second Division club news.
Bad things: Very dodgy mustard yellow colour used throughout the programme – horrid. Also a picture of yet another sad bird mascot – Eddie the Eagle this time. The Football Information Service ‘Stats & Facts’ page, appalling last year, now resembles, I am advised, the lurid and nauseating pattern of lights that herald the onset of a particularly bad migraine.
Bizarre things: Action photographs developed by Tesco in-store Photo Labs, Great Notley. Look out, Les! They’ll be after your business. A very strange half-page item from HM Customs & Excise inviting you to ‘shop’ businesses that you think are trading illegally, VAT being big in Colchester, apparently.
Great one-liner: 'East Anglian Daily Times is the only morning newspaper for Essex.'
Verdict: Mid-table respectability.

FANZINE
The Blue Eagle
Issue 27 of The Blue Eagle cost me £1 in the club shop at Layer Road. Having
left reading it for the return journey northwards, it was only after passing
Grantham that I managed to deduce that this issue dated from around February
1998. And people complain about old stock in the Racecourse club shop. Won’t
be doing that again.
Dean Domerecki

Belarus Under-21 v Wales Under-21 (1 Sep) by Peter Davies

Cost: Not clear.
Pages: 4 small ones.
Good things: 'BELARUS' is printed in red on the front cover - just in case we were in any doubt as to who was playing at home; also, a helpful guide to players' year of birth (remember, this was a strictly Under-21 international).
Bad things: Written in a foreign language.
Bizarre things: Back-page advert for Yegor Rogatsevich - collector of obscure Belarus international programmes.
Great one-liner: 'In my turn I can offer you various football attributes of Belarusian and ex-Soviet Union teams' (the aforementioned Mr Rogatsevich - back page).
Verdict: Rather austere.

Belarus v Wales (2 Sep) by Peter Davies

Cost: Unclear.
Pages: 12 including covers.
Good things: Glossy, bits of colour; rather distinguished-looking.
Bad things: Large back-page picture of a naked woman. Maybe this is common in Belarus.
Bizarre things: 'Roger FREESTONE: Swansea City, England.' (p.5)
Great one-liner: 'Everything in the World of Football is relatively (sic) and temporal. Joy is changing by grief, ascents are changing by falls, victories by losses. Only love to football (sic) stays permanent because it is a mass game, a game number 1 (sic), exciting and unique' (inside front cover).
Verdict: Quite smart.

Morda United Chairman's XI v Red Passion FC (6 Aug) by Peter Davies

Cost: £1.
Pages: 12 including covers.
Good things: That there was a programme at all for such a bizarre footballing encounter; some interesting content including pen pix of both sides and messages from MUFC VIPs Colin Turner and John Hotchkiss.
Bad things: None.
Bizarre things: The Morda keeper goes by the nickname of 'Onions'. Midfielder Steve Davies has a similarly bizarre nickname: 'Shirley'.
Great one-liner: 'Let's hope we all enjoy a game of football played in a friendly atmosphere. Other events are happening today with the local Duck Race starting at 10.00am.' (Morda Chairman Colin Turner, inside front cover).
Verdict: Fantastic publication.

Mold Alex JFC XI v Red Passion FC (10 Sep) by Peter Davies

Cost: £2.
Pages: 8 including covers.
Good things: The hard work that went into the production of the money-raising programme. Well done, Mold Alex JFC!
Bad things: None.
Bizarre things: One Jonathan Cross is named in the Mold squad. He is billed as 'Ex-Wrexham player now with Chester FC. Co-manages the Under-13s.'
Great one-liner: 'Other events and attractions: A BBQ, Beat the Goalie, Bottle Stall, Putting Pool, Fire Engine from Mold Station.' (back cover)
Verdict: Extremely worthy publication.