(Almost) A Season

In

RP contributor Mike Hughes took over the writing of the weekly Teletext column (page 479 on ITV every Thursday - usually page 9 of 9) in late November 2000. Here are a selection of Mike's Teletext pieces (in boxes) accompanied by his retrospective commentary (in bold)

21 NOVEMBER 2000
Remember early Cup exits? It was only shocking if you hadn't seen us play the Millers at home earlier this season. The real shock was only Macca, Chalky and Roche bothering. High balls and early crosses left their keeper not making a save over 90 minutes. The oldies' return is ominous and it could all be over by Christmas without a run now. Conceding a last minute draw to Cambridge wasn't ideal but at least Gaz The Barrel is back!

MH - Having been advised of the word limit and the lack of editorial input from RP, I thought I'd leap in with this little gem after our FA Cup exit! Please note the positive comments about Lee Roche and then read the rest of this. No negative feedback, so it was quickly followed with…

29 NOVEMBER 2000
…Unfortunately, the outburst about '****** disgraceful' part-time fans from the Chair and Grumpy Rhodes was the sort of divisive PR that has dogged us for years. Just what was needed!
MH - It didn't take long to suss out that Teletext do edit when I checked to discover a severe lack of '******' and 'disgraceful'.

10 DECEMBER 2000
Goals and crowds have dried up. Out of every cup except the FAW. The Chair is hinting that a player needs to be sold and management are drifting back towards relying on players at the end of their careers. Perhaps not the best of times to be a Wrexham fan! And yet...5 pts from the play-offs and we have a chance to make things look even better if we can rediscover our striking sting against the Bees.

MH - An email from the editor of Red Passion arrives - and I quote: 'A bloke stopped me on Sat and said: "Your Teletext column is right - we're only 5 pts off the play-offs and we should be a bit more optimistic!"…our new Teletext correspondent has a touch of the William Hague about him. He connects with the people in a wonderfully populist vein!' Future events were to suggest that 'populist' is a double-edged sword! As for the hairist comment! Let's leap forward a bit…

3 JANUARY 2001
3pts from Vale and a scrappy, entertaining draw at pseudo-Robins, increasingly average (and there-for- the-taking) Wigan - Xmas was okay but we need to rethink the wholehearted but past-it Rooster. … Anyway, gawp at your team still in the Cup. We'll gawp at ours leaving you a place for a change! A full house friendly with Man. Utd. at home might compensate though!

MH - Interestingly, '… pseudo-Robins, increasingly average (and there-for-the-taking' was dropped but the provocative second paragraph provoked precisely no-one!

23 JANUARY 2001
The Vale game was called off thanks to a frozen pitch. Unsurprising, considering their pitch is the highest above sea level (fact fans!) Depressingly, even the Pools Panel had it down as a nil-nil! 

MH - This provoked the following email from the RP editor: 'You'll be glad to know that lots of people read your Teletext column...because several have hassled me about whether or not Vale Park is the highest ground in the league! Several have said that WBA holds that "record".' RP followed this up by asking people to write in with the truth about the highest ground. To the best of my knowledge no-one ever did, so, maybe you all just like hassling the editor!

31 JANUARY 2001
Frivolous thought of the week. Is Dennis Lawrence really Papa Lazarou? Picture him with Flynn and the phrase forms - 'You're my wife now'!

MH - A fantastic picture caption on the RP website planted the thought in my head and it wouldn't go away. They won't print that I thought. Wow. Perhaps anything is possible after all.

14 FEBRUARY 2001
Remember my concern about returning senior players? Stand up disgraced Carey and Russell. Roche, Macca and Ferguson! What a shambles! I hope Oldham don't think they outplayed us! 12 minutes' incompetence. Emad was our best defender - nuff said! The season's over unless we fancy relegation! One winger (?) despite having Blackwood, Emad and Chalky, and, no substitutions. Why? So, 15 unbeaten and pretend we were unlucky not to make the play-offs? Pathetic. Bristol City just rubbed it in! Start praying.

MH - We seemed to lose the last sentence for lack of space but otherwise the most scathing attack of the season was published in full. No complaints though and things just got worse.

21 FEBRUARY 2001
More questions as the weeks pass. How slow must Carey be before he gets dropped? Will our leading scorer ever play again? Will we ever commit to balancing the team with a real left-winger? Why is Emad rapidly becoming our best defender? We started the season with three of the fastest players in the division. What could possibly better sum up our ambitions for the remainder than the signing of a striker called Trundle!

MH - Even more scathing and I was about to start to eat some humble pie with regards to the last paragraph (even if it was funny at the time!)

20 MARCH 2001
Flynn points out we haven't lost two consecutive games all season... guess what! We needed four pts but got none! A tremendous game with Reading (a bad one with Bury) merely highlighted familiar problems. Carey is tree-like; Roche has lost the plot; Gibbo comes inside; Rooster needs acres to play; midfield bang it badly to heads and wonder why we lose possession; Barrett thinks football lasts 55 minutes! Disappointment here we come!

MH - Now it gets interesting. A call in work from the RP editor saying Brian Flynn would like a word and will be ringing in the next ten minutes. AAAAUUUGGGGHHH! Another phone call from same. 'By the way, Brian says can you ring him on his mobile if he can't get you now. His number is…' Surely not? Oh yes! I have Flynn's mobile number in my address book at work. Cheques made payable to… We could make Saturday afternoons look very interesting. You have 3,200 calls waiting! Anyway, the editor warned me that Brian wanted a chat about my comments with regard to Roche and Carey. I shall not breach a confidence in saying that we spoke for 20 minutes about a variety of issues and I put the phone down with even more respect for Flynn (and my best pub story for ages!). The funniest part was that, although he was concerned about Roche being described as having '… lost the plot' there was no mention of concern about my Carey observations. A month later Carey presents me with a winners medal at Colliers Park and I'm giving Roche his champagne. Hmm!

10 APRIL 2001
Are we fighting promotion or relegation? It changes weekly! Off the field 're-structuring'; Bruce arriving at Wigan and a win against Posh all suggested a chance of promotion. Then...just when it's all going fine, along comes a refereeing clanger against Notts Co. that may finally end our season! Gee thanks!

MH - This part of the season was just bizarre and hopefully I reflected that with fans thinking we're still going for the play-offs while Flynn sensibly started making noises about being sucked into a late relegation battle.

1 MAY 2001
A game of four halves. If you stayed away in fear you missed a cracker against the Lions with Walsh and Faulconbridge growing in confidence; a vintage performance from Ferguson and Trundle, well... being Trundle! Absolute highlight though was the man with the mike getting the minority of troublesome Lions to applaud our Academy team (Under- 12s) for beating Atalanta 5-3 and Juventus 5-0 because they 'beat Italians'! Simple things, as they say!

MH - Yes, they printed the lot. So, there you have it.