WALES WALES

December spawned a monster...

By Mike Hughes

THE FINAL CUT

As we neared the end of the first World Cup campaign in a decade that Wales have conducted competently if not wholly successfully, it becomes more difficult to find a novel angle to write about developments in Welsh football. I consider myself fortunate this month then that this column has pretty much written itself in light of recent bizarre events. 

GREGORY'S GIRL

John Gregory, a man who is not wholly unknown to bizarre activity ('Hey Doug, I think I need another hard-working midfielder totally lacking in individual skill!'), has 'challenged' Mark Delaney to avoid the 'injury prone' tag that threatens his career! Come again?! Let's be clear about this then, John. It's not the injuries that threaten his career it's the tag 'injury prone' which, to be fair, does seem a fairly accurate description. Wow, a big challenge lies ahead for our Mark. First of all I would imagine that he's going to have to write to every newspaper and football magazine editor in the land. You can just see it (well, I can!):

'Dear Sir, In reference to your article which mentioned me in passing as "injury prone". I would be grateful if you could refrain from the use of this term because a) my club manager suggests it is threatening my career, and, b) it's not very nice, and, c) my personal preference is for "on leave."'

Come on then, Mark. It can't be worse than 'Challenge Anneka' can it? This is an important battle likely to have an impact upon professional football akin to that of the Bosman decision. If you win this one then Bryan Robson will no longer be burdened with the stigma of 'injury prone' and can be rehabilitated!

FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE

By now you will all have read the interesting (to say the least) accusations from the Belarus goalkeeper that some of their players took bribes to lose the match against Wales. Potentially, this could have been the best scandal for years and, maybe this time next month, I could have been proved (as usual) completely wrong, but I suspect this to be probably the funniest story I have heard for some time. Firstly, as has been observed elsewhere, you have to have one hell of a bribe to be persuaded to miss perhaps your one chance of making the World Cup Finals. Secondly, OK, maybe it was in their interests to lose the match. After all Korea and Japan are a long way from Belarus (aren't they?) and those air fares keep rising (not!). Thirdly, as we know, the FAW are notoriously generous with money aren't they? The money they have gifted to grassroots football in Wales has been invaluable (clubs around the country now have a guaranteed spare set of jumpers for goalposts in the case of an emergency!) and the amount of money we pay to our managers is so horrifically high that their guilt at receiving such exorbitant sums compels them to only accept the post on a part-time basis! Fourthly, I suspect in the long-term we will all be more affected by the revelation that Gary Speed can read Russian newspapers and is 'shocked'. Fifthly, the story was apparently first printed in a Russian newspaper. Is it just me or would this give it a chance of being accurate that is roughly equivalent to most reports on Wrexham in the South Wales Echo? Sixthly, this is apparently a goalkeeper given to sensational revelations. Nevertheless, some sort of literary award for imagination must be imminent! Seventhly (can these things go that high?), I need more of this story. What on earth would a Welshman bribe a foreign football team with? Natively-dressed dolls? Reciprocal adoption arrangements? Season tickets for Ninian Park? I shudder to think. Answers on a postcard please! In the meantime, all the best for the New Year.