If we ever got dumped in the League of Wales (God forbid) we'd have to play...

Cwmbran Town FC

The Ultimate Bluffers' Guide

Club emblem: Blackbird (or so it would seem) against backdrop of soccer ball

History of club in one sentence: Inaugural LOW champions, bit-part Euro-fighters – but not much else

Describe the club in three words: Very Poorly Supported

Ground: Cwmbran Stadium

Club colours look like: No-one famous really (white shirts, blue shorts)

Magic moment: That 1993-4 LOW triumph

The boss man: Tony Wilcox

One 'famous' player: Mark Aizlewood – legendary Welsh chopper

Commentators most likely to say: "Come on Cwm!"

Not to be confused with: Cwm Wanderers, Cwmtawe, Cwmamman

Top trivia: First Welsh club ever to play in European Champions Cup