Programmes
Red Passion flicks through the best and worst of this season's away match programmes
Stoke (27 Feb)
Cost: £1.80
Pages: 54
Good things: Good, thorough content - fascinating attendance statistics, p.2.
Bad things: The obligatory stupid pun: ‘The Management: Little by Little’; also, the miniscule typeface on Wrexham pages and, perhaps, a few too many ads.
Bizarre things: A ‘Special Stoke City Save and Support Account’ with, you’ve guessed it, the Britannia Building Society
Great one-liner: ‘Q. The best thing about being a footballer?: A. The Lads’ (Ray Wallace player profile).
Verdict: Like Stoke City themselves: superficially impressive, but with a hollow centre.
Northampton (2 Mar)
Cost: £1.80
Pages: 48
Good things: Interesting mix of news, views and features, with a definite and commendable slant towards ‘youth’ and ‘community’ topics. Good visual variety, and a ‘quality’ feel to the programme.
Bad things: A picture of the club mascot, Clarence, the pathetic and gormless floppy dragon; also, the opportunity for fans to vote for their choice out of four new kits for next season - all four are hideous.
Bizarre things: A flyer inserted into the programme, advertising the TA open day at 118 Recovery Company, REME; might be some handy tips for ‘recovery’ there, and much more important than the away game at Wycombe, with which it clashes. A picture of a first-aid trainer demonstrating a recovery position guaranteed to ensure maximal inhalation of vomit.
Great one-liner: There isn’t one, and, God knows, we’ve looked.
Verdict: Just like the club, homely and friendly.
Blackpool (13 Mar)
Cost: Doesn’t say on the front cover - bizarrely - and we can’t remember (one thing’s for certain though: it wasn’t as pricey as Millwall’s).
Pages: 38
Good things: Lovely tangerine colour - everywhere - and also provocative back page pen pics (eg. ‘Steve Banks - Outstanding Keeper’).
Bad things: Rather feeble ‘manager’s notes’; isn’t Nigel Worthington more eloquent or interesting?
Bizarre things: The feature on Wrexham, and the Wrexham squad, is sponsored by ‘Foulds Metal: Cash Buyers of all Scrap Metals.’
Great one-liner: ‘She (Vicki Oyston) has survived the jailing of her husband Owen, yet it seems events here at Bloomfield Road have overwhelmed her and she’s had enough.’
Verdict: Tangerine.
Wigan (16 Mar)
Cost: £1.80
Pages: 30
Good things: Quite professionally done; brilliant player questionnaire (sample question: ‘Have you had a crush on a famous person?)
Bad things: JJB (say no more); a picture of Karl looking a bit dim.
Bizarre things: Brian Carey is totally missed off the back-page Wrexham team line-up (OK, he went off injured before half-time but it’s unfair to imply he never even played).
Great one-liner: ‘In all probability next season Nationwide clubs will have squad numbers and names on the back of shirts.’ (B.Spencer, Chief Exec)
Verdict: JJB-dominated
Millwall (27 Mar)
Cost: £3 !!
Pages: 68 !!
Good things: This particular matchday publication was a special ‘Wembley’ edition incorporating the day’s game - masses of information about Millwall and a good (and original) profile of Wrexham’s managerial and playing staff, plus some ‘historical’ programme items. A feature on the women’s team. Other individual items too many to mention. Also makes a louder noise when it accidentally falls out of your pocket.
Bad things: For those who just want a basic teamsheet and souvenir from the match, a bit expensive - but otherwise very good. Bulky, so tends to keep falling out of your pocket.
Bizarre things: Club sponsored by L!VE TV - The Weather in Norwegian; they also seem to supply Anne-Marie Foss (Nordic blonde, a sort of up-rated Tina Turfit) who advertises, amongst other things, topless darts, and who has individual sponsorship for her full kit (no doubt a help to un-PC chanting).
Great one-liner: A management quote: "They [Wrexham] play a lot of good football and keep the ball well, so if we give the ball away to them here we’ll have trouble getting it back". Not very accurate, as it turned out.
Verdict: Classy.
Wales v N.Ireland ‘B’ International (9 Feb)
Cost: £1.50
Pages: 14
Good things: A nice special big-match feel to it, lots of Wrexham angles (pix and features on Wrexham-born players, current Wrexham players, and former Wrexham players involved in the match) and some excellent international nostalgia
Bad things: Some very minute text to read; and confirmation that ‘our’ Jeff Whitley snubbed Wales just prior to his international career beginning with Northern Ireland…
Bizarre things: Quote: ‘Seven subs may be named by each team and used at any time during the match’
Great one-liner: Graham Williams, Wales coach: ‘One of the most popular questions I have been asked by reporters and supporters over the last couple of days concerns the reasoning for us playing matches at this level’
Verdict: Smart and dapper